The Answer Key

Take ownership of sweeping around the welcome mat of your life. Everyone that needs something or could benefit in some way from you is not necessarily for you so choose wisely.  Make deliberate investments in people and things that you believe in. Being selective about your investments is a matter of protecting yourself: your resources, your energy, your time. Draft people into your circle that you can trust, confide in, and rely on just as much as you meet those expectations for them.  There is nothing wrong with being choosy about the benefactors of your investments. It can be a risky business, some of them may or may not pan out, but you will at least have made the choice to be or not to be involved.   Eliminate any relationships that feel one-sided, fake, phony, or forced.  Your draft is directly connected to the fullness of your life so remember that you have the option to pass, opt-out, and walk from the table where you are not being best served. Now, you shoul...

When you set up boundaries there will always be people in your life trying to jump the fence. Do not let them. Stand firm in your understanding of your limitations and stick to them. Know the difference between being useful and being used. Take time to consider the impact the decisions you make will ultimately have and you and your family, not just how greatly your efforts would benefits the person asking for something. Everyone knows the saying, 'you have to teach people how to treat you', but what is most important is learning the practice of it when you are challenged. Do not feel bad for taking you into consideration in every decision you make.  Some people will not catch it on the first day.  It will take your commitment to learn that lesson and hold the line, but it is always worth it. ~When you get a sec stop by fb.me/TheAnswerKey & www.twitter.com/_TheAnswerKey daily!

Be kind and willing to give freely of yourself to others. That said, only give your all to those who will not take you and your kindness for granted. Trust that you will know or learn the difference. The moment you notice it, immediately do something about it. First and foremost, save yourself- create and keep your distance. No one should have the chance to milk you any longer than they already have. As soon as you find yourself being taken for granted- 1. Do not blame yourself. Your generosity is not a defect. 2. Bounce back. Decide what you will do differently if you see history repeating itself. 3. Learn your lesson. Do not change your nature; that is who you are. Change the people you offer yourself to that do not value you. Giving, compassionate, generous people have often fallen for the schemes of those who will always take more than an inch or a mile. Now is the time to draw a line with them and make sure it is in PERMANENT MARKER. Do what comes naturally to you, but be mindful ...

Realize that whether someone agrees with you or sees your point of view or not, does not, can not, and will not have an adverse affect on you- or at least it does not have to. State your piece, present your position, and let it go. Let them do what they please with the information. If the person is receptive or not is not your problem. Whether or not they are still unconvinced should not make or break your day. Even if you know for a fact their position is wrong, invalid, and or completely erroneous, accept that and move on. The lesson waiting for them may be precisely what they need to experience to get the most out of their journey. Remember, it is not your job to save people or create short-cuts for those who want to take the scenic route- let them. Recognize and respect how precious your time and energy is. Do not waste either on frivolous things or arguments that do not really matter or affect you and your life's journey. Allow people to learn their own lessons. Have faith in ...

Life is fleeting; the same people we love today will be the ones we miss one day in the near or distant future. Why not make the most of the time we have together right now, today? Do something with someone special, create an awesome memory you will always have together. Embrace and acknowledge the miracle of loving and being loved. At the end of it all, memories are precious gifts of the heart that last forever and will someday be all we have left. Make the most of every moment you get. ~For more positive posts check out fb.me/TheAnswerKey & www.twitter.com/_TheAnswerKey daily!

Take a moment to acknowledge that sometimes, you may not always be the best you, and yet your partner is still there- showing up over and over again. Take a moment to appreciate the fact that someone is there for you despite your flaws, fears, and short-comings. No matter what challenges may show up throughout, as long as all parties involved are committed to the experience your relationship will continue to flourish if you nourish it. Always attempt to be in the space of adding to your relationship and not draining it. Be consciously and positively investing into your relationships with compassion, love, support, and encouragement. When all parties show up for each other mindfully connected to their contributions to the relationship it will stay positive, loving, pleasurable, and balanced.  ~For more positive posts follow me at  fb.me/TheAnswerKey   &   www.twitter.com/_TheAnswerKey .

Nobody is perfect, but some people have taken imperfection to a whole 'nother level. You see them running around all the time, literally, grabbing a double dose of bitter-envy-petty-jelly-haterade every day. Be conscious of your interactions with said people. Negative-Nancy may sneak up on you and rub off. Bitter-Bessy may even attack you, Accusation-Amy may blame you, and Sassy-Stacey could try your patience. Take your time when dealing with the negative people and limit their time in your space. Be carefully mindful with your words so that you can communicate in the most effective and productive way with them. Get your point across without the anger and venom they are prone to spew. Know that people will always have an opinion about you especially when they are not working on themselves. Do not take it personally. They, like you are entitled to their opinion, but remember that you do not have to accept or own it. Sometimes snakes know the right button to push to bring you out of ...

Far too often you may bring baggage into new relationships that should have been left behind. Do not allow the faults of your former love to take a front seat in your new relationship. Take time to heal first. That will give the new person on their way into your life the opportunity to earn your love with a clean slate. Do not make your new partner pay the penalty for the transgressions of your former love. That will only make your new partner resentful and perhaps create issues for your relationship that would not otherwise be there.Whatever you do, make sure all of your experiences count towards making you the best you in your future relationship. Learn what you needed to take away from that experience and let it go. Do that as soon as you possibly can; dwelling on the past will stunt your growth. Let go of the woulda, shoulda, coulda, and get with the IS and AM. The next relationship IS going to be better and I AM going to be a better partner because of what I hav...

Be conscious of who and what you allow into your space. You do not have to obligate yourself to the negative experience others bring with them. That baggage is for them to sort out. Do not allow yourself to be ultimately affected by their stuff. Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, she may have seen that bitter goose headed her way. You have to learn to dodge the bitter people when you can, and not feel guilty about it. Misery loves company, but she does not have many friends. Know yourself and what you can handle. Your wellness is your top priority. Evaluate and assess your relationships whenever necessary and make the changes to those relationships that best serve you. If someone is not investing positivity into your life, they probably do not belong there for an extended period of time. While there is nothing wrong with helping people in need, know the difference between aiding someone and being used. Some would argue to just completely remove the negative, bitter, miserable pe...

Effective communication is a key component in all relationships. Yes, the casual, professional, and intimate ones alike. In those relationships their will come times where there will be a difference in opinion. Sometimes there will be a need for uncomfortable conversations. Part of being an effective communicator is knowing that those conversations can be had when you focus on the bullets and not the frivolous details with consideration of the other parties feelings. Ignoring the necessity of effective communication will only leave you wanting and without which will soon be accompanied by resentment and frustration if they are not already present. You want the other party to not just hear what you are saying but fully understand and process how you came to your conclusion and commit to doing the same for them as well. Know how to discuss and not argue. The difference between the two is that one is a back and forth with a commitment to understanding, the other is submitting a defense or...

Surround yourself with people that will uplift and embrace you. Always maintain relationships where you are giving and receiving love, support, and consideration more often than not. It is perfectly okay to be content with who you are in your life right now regardless of who has decided to leave it. Know that their leaving made more room for the like-minded people, the happy people, drama-free people, ambitious people, or whatever people that are more like you to make their grand entrance into your life. The people that would appreciate you, support you, and see you as an asset to them and a blessing in their lives, those are the ones you keep. When you know that you bring more joy and laughter than hurt or criticism, more love than harm, more gratitude than judgement, more solutions than problems, and  give more often than you take, you have no need to beg, plead, or desire anyone to be in your life that does not want to be there. Have relationships with people who see your w...

Most relationships fail because there is a lack of communication, dedication, or appreciation. Communicating is the reciprocation of listening to your partner, speaking to your partner, and using the sum of that conversation to understand, resolve, or define what is or is not happening in the relationship. Most communication issues stem from dishonesty, failure to be willing to view another perspective, or outside conversations are louder than the ones between you and your partner. The hardest part of communicating is doing it with the constant overtone of love. The lack of dedication is the second most common reason why relationships fail. This may stem from a number of things such as one feels unappreciated, one feels inferior, one feels superior, or one has simply given up. Any one of these things can lend itself as the culprit or conspirator for cheaters. Lastly, the lack of appreciation can also be the catalyst from which relationships fail as well. The lack of appreciation is th...

It is okay to witness the success of others and be happy for them. In fact, you should practice that energy whenever possible. That positive energy is the best energy to reciprocate. Share in the joy of others as often as you can. No matter how hectic your life may be in this moment, appreciate the hills and valleys and know that everyone has their time for both. Those valleys you endure are meant for your growth. That experience does not mean you can not relish in and appreciate the hills in someone else's life. Both are blessings and you are ultimately elevated when you share joy no matter who it is for. Sharing joy is good for everybody involved; do so if for no other reason than the simple fact that you would hope that those around you would do the same so become the example. Someone else's success should prove to you that dreams can come true. You do not have to climb over anyone else to get what you want. What is for you, is for you. Put action behind your dream and you c...

Most relationships fail because there is a lack of communication, dedication, or appreciation. Communicating is the reciprocation of listening to your partner, speaking to your partner, and using the sum of that conversation to understand, resolve, or define what is or is not happening in the relationship. Most communication issues stem from dishonesty, failure to be willing to view another perspective, or outside conversations are louder than the ones between you and your partner. The hardest part of communicating is doing it with the constant overtone of love. The lack of dedication is the second most common reason why relationships fail. This may stem from a number of things such as one feels unappreciated, one feels inferior, one feels superior, or one has simply given up. Any one of these things can lend itself as the culprit or conspirator for cheaters. Lastly, the lack of appreciation can also be the catalyst from which relationships fail as well. The lack of appreciation is th...

Recently, I began to ponder, what if everyone was just a little more grateful? What if, as adults, we all were working toward being more appreciative of the things and people we have in our lives? What would happen to the relationship that was broken if both parties forced themselves to recall the ways their partner has been a blessing to their life? What if you took a moment to recollect on the many kind words, gifts just because, and thoughtful acts your partner has given you? What would you feel? I referred to a simple affirmation "Put some gratitude in your attitude" -I have been known to repeat that phrase to my boys for some time now. As children who are still growing, learning, and establishing their moral, value, faith, and character building blocks through every firsthand experience, I want them to have this phrase built into their being. A sign, for me, that I have done my job as their mother very much depends in part on their gratitude and the outward expression of...

Please be mindful that people choose to be in your life. No one is enslaved by your awesomeness. Sorry, but every day everyone in your life makes a choice to be apart of it, especially your partner. From everyone else you can take a break or they can back away for a while; that option is always available. Your partner, on the other hand, is there through the good, the bad, and the ugly no matter. Some days may require some struggle or compromise, but even in those times they refuse to give up, hold on with an even firmer grip, and push forward with you, even if it means they must carry you on their back for a while, they do. I think we all can agree that being involved with someone in the best way means having a healthy relationship. That connection should consist mostly of the constantly repeated reciprocation of consideration and appreciation of each other. At no time should you assume that person is no longer choosing you. Be aware that every day they wake up and choose to stay as d...

We all participate in relationships that fall beneath our expectations.We tend to think that our silent requests, demands, needs and wants are common-knowledge and should go without saying. We can even fall into an existence where we truly believe our expectations should be met without delay, question, or explanation. The problem is, for most of our requests, no matter how simple, our partners simply do not work that way. There are no mind-readers, and they definitely do not come armed with a manual on the many things and ways to please you, thus leaving you (in your silence) without, waiting, longing and still wanting, or indefinitely deprived of whatever it is you seek. If that is an accurate description of your circumstance, keep reading. Your expectation is the hope, belief, probability or anticipation of a specific result, outcome, effect, or reaction, but expectation comes with no guarantee. The only means of knowing wh...

The worst case scenario has happened- they cheated; now what? While we would like to think that every partner is always on their best behavior, there are times when being human may get in the way. No matter what their surface reasoning is you have to get to the source of the problem first. Cheating is bad, but what causes it is more important than the act itself. People cheat because they are lacking something not necessarily from you but possibly and more likely within themselves. For example, harmless flirting can quickly become an invitation for something more if your partner feels they are not being desired by you. Lack of attention and or affection can leave a wide opening for someone else to step in. Something beyond your control could be the culprit as well. Low self-esteem or any other form of insecurity is a huge issue that often lies at the root of unfaithfulness. Your partner may also be toiling with damage done during previous relationships. Only they can face and ...

I know we would all like to live in a world where our relationships are perfect. A place where everyone's needs are met without hesitation or delay is euphoric to say the least. The truth is, there is no such place. Now that that has been established, let us address how we get what we want from the relationships we have. How do we ensure that our needs are met? Communication is the only way. While we would like to think our needs are simplistic, obvious sometimes you actually have to say what it is you want. Sadly, most people are not mind-readers. While others may be extremely intuitive, innately considerate, or good at guessing, others may need a little help. If you find yourself in a place where your disappointments begin to overshadow your happiness within your relationship the only way to solve the problem is to address it. Saying how you feel may come with some anxiety. I will be the first to say that vulnerability is not an attribute I am terribly familiar or comfortable w...