Infidelity: Mistake or Habit?

The worst case scenario has happened- they cheated; now what? While we would like to think that every partner is always on their best behavior, there are times when being human may get in the way. No matter what their surface reasoning is you have to get to the source of the problem first. Cheating is bad, but what causes it is more important than the act itself. People cheat because they are lacking something not necessarily from you but possibly and more likely within themselves. For example, harmless flirting can quickly become an invitation for something more if your partner feels they are not being desired by you. Lack of attention and or affection can leave a wide opening for someone else to step in. Something beyond your control could be the culprit as well. Low self-esteem or any other form of insecurity is a huge issue that often lies at the root of unfaithfulness. Your partner may also be toiling with damage done during previous relationships. Only they can face and fix those issues.

What will you do? Before you decide, there are a few things that should be taken into consideration starting with how you found out about the infidelity in the first place. Was it eating away at them so much so that they could not go another day without coming clean? Did you find out on your own and confront them? Was the affair still happening or had they already ended it? If it was over, who made the call? You need to determine the likelihood of history repeating itself. These are very important matters to review before you decide whether or not this relationship is salvageable. When you are deceived by your partner in any way, you need to ask yourself if you can get back to a place of pre-betrayal. Can and how will they regain your trust? Can you move on without repeatedly punishing them? No one benefits from a relationship haunted and soured by past transgressions. If your partner is constantly battered by you because of the mistake they made, you will never get back to a place of harmony.

Forgiveness is a gift that should not be taken for granted.You certainly will not forget about the infidelity, but forgiveness is a must if you want the relationship to work. That said,we can choose to forgive even if we can stay. Forgetting is impossible and sometimes that is bigger than our ability to forgive. If you know you can not bring yourself to forgive them, just let the relationship go. There is no way to move forward unless you can let go of the past. Forgiveness is arguably the most important tool to repair a damaged relationship. Lastly, know the difference between a mistake and a habit.  Each situation is different, but one thing is certain, a mistake only happens once, but a habit is something you do repeatedly, and habits are hard to break.

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