If Only I Could Add 'ME' Back into My Ti'ME'...
As a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend I have always found it difficult to carve out time for myself. I'm not just talking about getting a drink of water or sitting down for a bite to eat at some point, I mean really doing something for you- not because you have to, but because you choose to. I have always been so committed and felt so obligated to everything and everyone else in my life; there was no room left for me. Somehow every organization, club, group, person, everything in my life came before ME. I was always so tired, so drained, so exhausted, so depleted that by the time I possibly could have managed to give me some attention, I needed to be asleep so I could get up and do it all over again the next day. I spent years living that way, and frankly, lost a lot of sleep because of it. Have you ever laid in bed at night, and reviewed your day only to find that you were not in it? After what seemed like a fully exhausting day, you can not pick out one thing you did for you. I found myself doing that more often than I would have liked to, and finally made a conscious decision to change that.
Once you decide to carve out time for yourself, you really see just how much of your daily agenda is filled with all of the things and people that matter, and you see how difficult it is to squeeze you in. You can find yourself at a place where you feel as if you are literally choosing between them and you. When you feel like you are making that kind of choice, the guilt alone can force you to put yourself on the back burner. Your need to oblige will distance you from your need to slow down or take a break. Your grade A commitment will allow you to ignore your own needs just to fulfill the needs of those around you. Your dedication can make you feel like your letting everyone down. It is a challenge, but when you realize that those problems, issues, fixes, cleaning, laundry, phone calls, emails, etc. all of those things will be there after you take care of you; it gets easier to do.
I realized I really had to make a change because neglecting myself became not only an internal struggle, but it began to show itself externally as well. Not being able to sleep well at night, dragging through my day, and feeling overwhelmed was a daily struggle not to mention being overweight. So I made a wish list. I love wish lists. =) I knew I had to figure out what I wanted, what I needed, why and how to get them. Here is my wish list:
1. Lose weight- Why? To look and feel better. How? See a Dr., workout, count calories, eat better food.
2. Be happier- Why? That's who I want to be and once was. How? Make me a priority.
3. Have more money- Why? To be financially free. How? Go back to work. (currently I'm a SAHM and run my business from home.)
4. Enjoy Life, Have more fun- Why? Life is too short so why not? How? Get out and try new things.
5. Make time for myself- Why? Because I need it to do 1-4. How? Be less available to everyone else.
Initially, the guilt alone almost made me give up, to be honest. How can you not help this person, how can you not go to this place, how can you ignore that call; I literally felt tortured, but is was so worth it. More than you know. See, when you are better, you can do that much more for everyone around you. When you feel better, you have more energy, you don't mind volunteering your time to help someone else, you want to go places and do things with your friends and family, and you will be happier in addition to that because you dedicated a little piece of your day to you.
I first began my journey to adding me back in my time by making little changes to my daily agenda. For example, I knew that much of my day was flooded with phone calls. While I love to talk, and have no problem helping someone out with advice or answers, but I could literally lose hours fixing other people's problems or just shooting the breeze. I thought I could just ignore the ringing, but that didn't last long so I decided to turn the ringers off during nap time and after the boys went to bed at night. At first, I will say that was an adjustment for our friends and family. They would call at 9:02pm and would not get an answer. When I would return a phone call the next day, I would get something to the effect of 'What could you possibly be busy doing at that hour that you couldn't answer your phone or even call me back?' Eventually, they all got the picture, and no one calls my house after 9pm anymore. Even if it's important now at the very least, they will leave a message and say 'call me back tomorrow'.
Now, I look forward to 9:00 and I think my husband does too. We know after 9pm is our time together. Yes, we have great communication and we talk all the time- many of the phone calls I get throughout the day are from him, but from 9pm on, he knows that is our time. Granted, there are a few rare occasions when there is an unusual circumstance or I get caught up in a really good conversation with one of my girlfriends that began at 7:30, but again, it is rare, and once that conversation is over; the phone is no more. That was something I had to do to make more time for us and myself. He's an early bird so he goes to bed early so I have the rest of the night to polish my nails, roll my hair, read, just do whatever I want. Most of the time after 9 is spent with my husband, but if he is watching a basketball game or playing video games I can go read, take a bath, or just rest. There is nothing more relaxing than knowing you have the option to just rest.
I know you can think of a million reasons why you just don't have time for yourself and can't make the time either. I did it too for a very long time, but once you realize that there can be nothing more important that giving yourself permission to take care of you; it will change your life. It has been a battle; I won't lie to you, but it has also been abundantly rewarding. Making sure you are at your very best and getting fulfillment out of your own life is only going to give you a better perspective on the very things that make you, your circle, and the life you live so awesome. You can see things so much clearer and get a greater appreciation for you and all you bring to the table. At the end of the day, when I do my personal reflection I am choosing to be at the top of my priority list, and now I see there's nothing wrong with that.Today, I'm 64 lbs. lighter and counting, I am happier than ever, and I have enough time in my day to write this blog.
Once you decide to carve out time for yourself, you really see just how much of your daily agenda is filled with all of the things and people that matter, and you see how difficult it is to squeeze you in. You can find yourself at a place where you feel as if you are literally choosing between them and you. When you feel like you are making that kind of choice, the guilt alone can force you to put yourself on the back burner. Your need to oblige will distance you from your need to slow down or take a break. Your grade A commitment will allow you to ignore your own needs just to fulfill the needs of those around you. Your dedication can make you feel like your letting everyone down. It is a challenge, but when you realize that those problems, issues, fixes, cleaning, laundry, phone calls, emails, etc. all of those things will be there after you take care of you; it gets easier to do.
I realized I really had to make a change because neglecting myself became not only an internal struggle, but it began to show itself externally as well. Not being able to sleep well at night, dragging through my day, and feeling overwhelmed was a daily struggle not to mention being overweight. So I made a wish list. I love wish lists. =) I knew I had to figure out what I wanted, what I needed, why and how to get them. Here is my wish list:
1. Lose weight- Why? To look and feel better. How? See a Dr., workout, count calories, eat better food.
2. Be happier- Why? That's who I want to be and once was. How? Make me a priority.
3. Have more money- Why? To be financially free. How? Go back to work. (currently I'm a SAHM and run my business from home.)
4. Enjoy Life, Have more fun- Why? Life is too short so why not? How? Get out and try new things.
5. Make time for myself- Why? Because I need it to do 1-4. How? Be less available to everyone else.
Initially, the guilt alone almost made me give up, to be honest. How can you not help this person, how can you not go to this place, how can you ignore that call; I literally felt tortured, but is was so worth it. More than you know. See, when you are better, you can do that much more for everyone around you. When you feel better, you have more energy, you don't mind volunteering your time to help someone else, you want to go places and do things with your friends and family, and you will be happier in addition to that because you dedicated a little piece of your day to you.
I first began my journey to adding me back in my time by making little changes to my daily agenda. For example, I knew that much of my day was flooded with phone calls. While I love to talk, and have no problem helping someone out with advice or answers, but I could literally lose hours fixing other people's problems or just shooting the breeze. I thought I could just ignore the ringing, but that didn't last long so I decided to turn the ringers off during nap time and after the boys went to bed at night. At first, I will say that was an adjustment for our friends and family. They would call at 9:02pm and would not get an answer. When I would return a phone call the next day, I would get something to the effect of 'What could you possibly be busy doing at that hour that you couldn't answer your phone or even call me back?' Eventually, they all got the picture, and no one calls my house after 9pm anymore. Even if it's important now at the very least, they will leave a message and say 'call me back tomorrow'.
Now, I look forward to 9:00 and I think my husband does too. We know after 9pm is our time together. Yes, we have great communication and we talk all the time- many of the phone calls I get throughout the day are from him, but from 9pm on, he knows that is our time. Granted, there are a few rare occasions when there is an unusual circumstance or I get caught up in a really good conversation with one of my girlfriends that began at 7:30, but again, it is rare, and once that conversation is over; the phone is no more. That was something I had to do to make more time for us and myself. He's an early bird so he goes to bed early so I have the rest of the night to polish my nails, roll my hair, read, just do whatever I want. Most of the time after 9 is spent with my husband, but if he is watching a basketball game or playing video games I can go read, take a bath, or just rest. There is nothing more relaxing than knowing you have the option to just rest.
I know you can think of a million reasons why you just don't have time for yourself and can't make the time either. I did it too for a very long time, but once you realize that there can be nothing more important that giving yourself permission to take care of you; it will change your life. It has been a battle; I won't lie to you, but it has also been abundantly rewarding. Making sure you are at your very best and getting fulfillment out of your own life is only going to give you a better perspective on the very things that make you, your circle, and the life you live so awesome. You can see things so much clearer and get a greater appreciation for you and all you bring to the table. At the end of the day, when I do my personal reflection I am choosing to be at the top of my priority list, and now I see there's nothing wrong with that.Today, I'm 64 lbs. lighter and counting, I am happier than ever, and I have enough time in my day to write this blog.
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