Don't Blame the New Guy: Trash or Luggage?

Many of us have taken part in the blame game before. It was his or her fault. Their offenses were far greater than our own. We tried to fix it, but they gave up on us. Hopefully, once we climb down off that huge stack of s---self-pity, we get to the root of what really happened there. When you understand what causes a break up there is no "one" to blame. There are simply issues that went unresolved. Understanding what ends a relationship and the part you play in that ending is crucial. It could be anything lacking: intimacy, trust, communication, the list could go on for days, but understanding where your former relationship stands on its demise is vital to the longevity of your next one.

You have to be careful not to bring any poor habits into your new relationship that could hurt its chances. Unfortunately, some form of baggage is inevitable, but it can be used to your advantage. We need it as a friendly reminder of what not to do the next time, what we definitely would do better, or at least how we could do things differently. You may not be able to completely erase any damage done in a previous relationship, but you certainly need to bandage yourself up before diving into a new one. There truly are more fish in the sea, but catching the next one is not nearly as important as understanding why you had to throw the old one back in the first place.

You could land the perfect counterpart, but what good would that do if you are still holding on to the past and letting it run your new relationship? If the last one cheated and now you are insanely jealous; the last one was a poor communicator so now you bite your tongue; the last one was a habitual liar so now you do not believe a word that comes out of this one's mouth; you need to check your baggage. Make sure your baggage does not have a stench because in that case, it is trash. You still have work to do on you, and there is nothing wrong with that. Do your work and make your peace, so when that knight in shining armor or that princess with the perfect smile and flowing locks comes for you, you will be ready.

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