No More Blame Game- 3 Steps to Forgiveness
We are often charged with leftover emotions from past transgressions. When a new issue arises, those old feelings of the past insert themselves into the present. This can lead to an ugly game of tit-for-tat. The question then becomes, how do you move on when you have been betrayed or hurt by someone you care about? Forgiveness is the simple answer, but how do we do that?
Forgiveness is a choice. It can not be made without making the decision to forgive and taking the steps to get you there. The first step is to start with yourself. Acknowledge the role you play in your situation. It is much easier to point out the defects, poor choices, and bad behavior of someone else, but it is more helpful to accept what you have done, and what you will do differently to avoid the same situation later. In examining your own defects, choices, and behavior you may find compassion for your loved one. Even if you do not, you will have a better understanding of yourself and the role you played in the situation.
Next, definitely address the issue head on. If you do not address your issues when they happen, they will fester and resurface. You can not expect anyone to read your mind or know the importance of your issue, if it is not important enough to you to address it. Know that addressing it is not asking for an argument, but looking for a resolution. Make your intention clear so the other party does not feel attacked, but understands why you are offended. You are looking for, at a minimum, clarity and understanding for all parties involved.
The hardest and arguably, the best step is to find a resolution and move on. It may be as simple as an apology, compromise, or merely accepting that a mistake was made and defining how to ensure the past does not repeat itself. Harboring pain, disappointments, or any transgression weighs you down so if nothing else comes of the steps you have taken to forgiveness, the most important step is to let it go. It will lift your spirits even if it does not repair the relationship. People make mistakes, and forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself and anyone else you care about.
Forgiveness is a choice. It can not be made without making the decision to forgive and taking the steps to get you there. The first step is to start with yourself. Acknowledge the role you play in your situation. It is much easier to point out the defects, poor choices, and bad behavior of someone else, but it is more helpful to accept what you have done, and what you will do differently to avoid the same situation later. In examining your own defects, choices, and behavior you may find compassion for your loved one. Even if you do not, you will have a better understanding of yourself and the role you played in the situation.
Next, definitely address the issue head on. If you do not address your issues when they happen, they will fester and resurface. You can not expect anyone to read your mind or know the importance of your issue, if it is not important enough to you to address it. Know that addressing it is not asking for an argument, but looking for a resolution. Make your intention clear so the other party does not feel attacked, but understands why you are offended. You are looking for, at a minimum, clarity and understanding for all parties involved.
The hardest and arguably, the best step is to find a resolution and move on. It may be as simple as an apology, compromise, or merely accepting that a mistake was made and defining how to ensure the past does not repeat itself. Harboring pain, disappointments, or any transgression weighs you down so if nothing else comes of the steps you have taken to forgiveness, the most important step is to let it go. It will lift your spirits even if it does not repair the relationship. People make mistakes, and forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself and anyone else you care about.
Comments
Post a Comment