Let's Talk About Sex
Sex for most is meant to be the active expression of love or at least an intense like. For some it is the recognition and thus conquering of a mutual attraction, and for others it is merely a means to blow off some steam. Like it or not, sex plays a major role in any relationship. Sometimes it literally is the defining factor. Friendships are definitely reevaluated when friends turn into lovers. Previously established relationships make a bump up or take a wrong turn and are often end abruptly when sex is introduced, lacking, being withheld, or being done with someone other than your partner. Both or all (I'm not judging) parties involved need to know exactly what sex stands for in the relationship and hold up their end of the bargain. Openly discuss, define, and agree on the purpose sex will serve.
Defining the purpose can be a little tricky depending on the circumstances. If you are casually sexing, that's ok as long as everyone agrees to keep it that way. In a casual relationship it is the expression of your mutual attraction- that's it. However, it only works if everyone's feelings remain the same. One of the many blunders in this kind of relationship is when one partner can no longer detach their emotions from the activity. Quick fix: say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say it's sex and nothing more, mean it, and if that changes- say so.
Now, if you are in a committed relationship, the purpose of sex is clear, but the frequency is negotiable. In a serious relationship, sex is the physical expression of your emotional bond so do whatever works for you and yours, but here are a few rules to make sure it stays awesome or make it even better. Rule number 1: Be considerate of one another and aware of what is going on in your partner's life. Outside issues can and may interrupt their desire for physical intimacy so do not take it personal. We know very day will not be full of sunshine and roses, but don't hold onto your frustration. Let it go, and do not let your disagreements follow you into your bedroom. A day or two break to get over your annoyance is one thing, but a week/month long hiatus is another. Be very careful when putting sex off because you may very well be simultaneously pushing your partner into someone else's bed.
Here's the key: Once you have agreed on the purpose your sexual relationship is intended to serve, do not stray from it, do not abuse it, and if you don't use it- know, you will lose it. If you are entering into a sexual relationship with blinders on you will likely be hurt in the end. Use sex for its intended purpose in your relationship: the expression of____ -nothing more and nothing less. Keep it real. Be honest about your expectations, and know what's expected of you in return.
No matter what the status of your relationship, always keep in mind that all parties need to feel wanted, needed, and satisfied. If you can manage to maintain all three things you are definitely cooking with gas, and if you find at any time in your relationship a certain something is lacking or could use some work remember, there is nothing a sex discussion can not fix especially if it's between people that love each other.
Defining the purpose can be a little tricky depending on the circumstances. If you are casually sexing, that's ok as long as everyone agrees to keep it that way. In a casual relationship it is the expression of your mutual attraction- that's it. However, it only works if everyone's feelings remain the same. One of the many blunders in this kind of relationship is when one partner can no longer detach their emotions from the activity. Quick fix: say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say it's sex and nothing more, mean it, and if that changes- say so.
Now, if you are in a committed relationship, the purpose of sex is clear, but the frequency is negotiable. In a serious relationship, sex is the physical expression of your emotional bond so do whatever works for you and yours, but here are a few rules to make sure it stays awesome or make it even better. Rule number 1: Be considerate of one another and aware of what is going on in your partner's life. Outside issues can and may interrupt their desire for physical intimacy so do not take it personal. We know very day will not be full of sunshine and roses, but don't hold onto your frustration. Let it go, and do not let your disagreements follow you into your bedroom. A day or two break to get over your annoyance is one thing, but a week/month long hiatus is another. Be very careful when putting sex off because you may very well be simultaneously pushing your partner into someone else's bed.
Here's the key: Once you have agreed on the purpose your sexual relationship is intended to serve, do not stray from it, do not abuse it, and if you don't use it- know, you will lose it. If you are entering into a sexual relationship with blinders on you will likely be hurt in the end. Use sex for its intended purpose in your relationship: the expression of____ -nothing more and nothing less. Keep it real. Be honest about your expectations, and know what's expected of you in return.
No matter what the status of your relationship, always keep in mind that all parties need to feel wanted, needed, and satisfied. If you can manage to maintain all three things you are definitely cooking with gas, and if you find at any time in your relationship a certain something is lacking or could use some work remember, there is nothing a sex discussion can not fix especially if it's between people that love each other.
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