Friendships- When to Let Go and How
While I know it is difficult to let friends go, sometimes it is also necessary for your own growth. Everyone that you befriend throughout your life's journey is not meant to be with you for the long haul. I look at friends like airport passengers. You go to the airport and get seated next to a stranger- while you indulge in playful banter, when you get off the plane you go your separate ways. They head off to their next destination as do you, and you may never cross paths again. You know this from the moment you sit down and engage in a conversation with them, but you participate anyway because you are both open to the exchange of pleasantries while you are on this journey together. However, when the plane has landed, you courteously wish them happy trails and continue down your own path. You could walk away with something informative or even enlightening from that interaction which you will mentally credit that stranger for sharing, but you don't chase them through the airport. You don't follow them from place to place just because of the beneficial or pleasant interaction you once shared. You accept it for what it is and move on because you have to focus on reaching your own destination.
Friendships, no matter how long or brief, should follow this same rule. Let them run their course and know when to let go. There is no doubt in my mind that many of us are engaged in friendships currently that no longer serve the purpose they once did. They may very well have the opposite effect. A friend that was once fun to be around, positive, supportive, etc. can easily become a friend that you rarely see, full of negative energy, engulfed in drama, and self-centered to boot. You could be emotionally and mentally depleted daily from a toxic relationship and don't even know it. If you find yourself spending more time putting out someone else's fires than your own, stressed out over circumstances that have nothing to do with you, and essentially giving way more than you're recieving, this friendship, at the very least, should be up for review. This is not to say that you should not have any investment in your friends' livelihoods or their well-being or that you should be keeping track of all the things you do for them, but if you find yourself exhausted, drained, or generally unappreciated for what you bring to the table, you're probably way past due for a friendship-spring cleaning.
As a species we are ever-changing so the very grounds on which you became friends in the first place may no longer be relevant for a variety of reasons: your interests may have changed, your mentality may have matured, your energy may be more steady, and bottom line, you as a person may have just out-grown the friendship in its entirety, and that is ok. We as a generation have to get to a point where we can accept our own evolution. There is truth in the saying that some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. It is up to you to know when that season has come to an end, acknowledge it, and let go. Nothing good can come of holding on to a friendship that's termination is long overdue, and I can tell you what may follow: resentment, bitterness, and out right anger. Holding onto relationships that you should let go of can make you stagnant in your own life, and freeze any progression you could be making because you're trying to force something into your future that is meant to be a thing of the past.
The best way to rid yourself of expired relationships is to be forthcoming-the sooner, the better. When you see a carton of old milk in your fridge, you don't just let it sit there do you? You flush it or dump it down the drain right away. I once saw an article that suggests that you wean friends off slowly, but I think that's ridiculous. If you're like myself, the last thing you have time for is nonsense or games. I say, cut it off at the head. It doesn't have to be a mean or ugly exchange. Just be honest. Granted, it's much easier when someone has wronged you because they probably see it coming anyway, but if there is a relationship that just doesn't fit in your life anymore, just say so. I think one would appreciate your honesty more than flaking or giving them the cold shoulder. Be woman or man enough to state your piece. You could be helping that person reevaluate themselves and may leave the possiblity of reconciliation in the future.
Sometimes people fall off the beaten path, but that doesn't mean you have to fall with them and it doesn't mean they may not get back on track later on in life. Either way, while there's nothing wrong with them traveling down their rocky road of experience; it doesn't mean you have to be along for the whole ride. Their experiences are probably necessary for their evolution; I'm not judging, but you have to be aware of the impact their trials are having on your life. Some friends have experiences that are hard and needed while you remain in a supportive role for them and that's ok. Others will drag you into their chaos and that is a problem. Only you can determine when to cut your loses. For those that do survive the sweep, you can more closely indulge and embrace their friendships and appreciate the positive purpose they are serving in your life.
Most people in their 40s and 50s have friendships that have been in existence for 20 years or more. That is not a coincidence. Your 20s and 30s are very transitional years. It is now that we begin to come into our own. We are molding our careers, families, and setting long term goals for the future. Your path may not entertwine with the paths of all your current relationships. Some people are bound to take a detour down Crazy Lane, Drama Road, Chaos Parkway, or Hoe Avenue. Regardless, it is your right to surround yourself with people of like minds. There is nothing wrong with choosing to keep friends that are positive, supportive, productive, drama-free, and generally seeking a similar level of success and making strides to get there.
Friendships, no matter how long or brief, should follow this same rule. Let them run their course and know when to let go. There is no doubt in my mind that many of us are engaged in friendships currently that no longer serve the purpose they once did. They may very well have the opposite effect. A friend that was once fun to be around, positive, supportive, etc. can easily become a friend that you rarely see, full of negative energy, engulfed in drama, and self-centered to boot. You could be emotionally and mentally depleted daily from a toxic relationship and don't even know it. If you find yourself spending more time putting out someone else's fires than your own, stressed out over circumstances that have nothing to do with you, and essentially giving way more than you're recieving, this friendship, at the very least, should be up for review. This is not to say that you should not have any investment in your friends' livelihoods or their well-being or that you should be keeping track of all the things you do for them, but if you find yourself exhausted, drained, or generally unappreciated for what you bring to the table, you're probably way past due for a friendship-spring cleaning.
As a species we are ever-changing so the very grounds on which you became friends in the first place may no longer be relevant for a variety of reasons: your interests may have changed, your mentality may have matured, your energy may be more steady, and bottom line, you as a person may have just out-grown the friendship in its entirety, and that is ok. We as a generation have to get to a point where we can accept our own evolution. There is truth in the saying that some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. It is up to you to know when that season has come to an end, acknowledge it, and let go. Nothing good can come of holding on to a friendship that's termination is long overdue, and I can tell you what may follow: resentment, bitterness, and out right anger. Holding onto relationships that you should let go of can make you stagnant in your own life, and freeze any progression you could be making because you're trying to force something into your future that is meant to be a thing of the past.
The best way to rid yourself of expired relationships is to be forthcoming-the sooner, the better. When you see a carton of old milk in your fridge, you don't just let it sit there do you? You flush it or dump it down the drain right away. I once saw an article that suggests that you wean friends off slowly, but I think that's ridiculous. If you're like myself, the last thing you have time for is nonsense or games. I say, cut it off at the head. It doesn't have to be a mean or ugly exchange. Just be honest. Granted, it's much easier when someone has wronged you because they probably see it coming anyway, but if there is a relationship that just doesn't fit in your life anymore, just say so. I think one would appreciate your honesty more than flaking or giving them the cold shoulder. Be woman or man enough to state your piece. You could be helping that person reevaluate themselves and may leave the possiblity of reconciliation in the future.
Sometimes people fall off the beaten path, but that doesn't mean you have to fall with them and it doesn't mean they may not get back on track later on in life. Either way, while there's nothing wrong with them traveling down their rocky road of experience; it doesn't mean you have to be along for the whole ride. Their experiences are probably necessary for their evolution; I'm not judging, but you have to be aware of the impact their trials are having on your life. Some friends have experiences that are hard and needed while you remain in a supportive role for them and that's ok. Others will drag you into their chaos and that is a problem. Only you can determine when to cut your loses. For those that do survive the sweep, you can more closely indulge and embrace their friendships and appreciate the positive purpose they are serving in your life.
Most people in their 40s and 50s have friendships that have been in existence for 20 years or more. That is not a coincidence. Your 20s and 30s are very transitional years. It is now that we begin to come into our own. We are molding our careers, families, and setting long term goals for the future. Your path may not entertwine with the paths of all your current relationships. Some people are bound to take a detour down Crazy Lane, Drama Road, Chaos Parkway, or Hoe Avenue. Regardless, it is your right to surround yourself with people of like minds. There is nothing wrong with choosing to keep friends that are positive, supportive, productive, drama-free, and generally seeking a similar level of success and making strides to get there.
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