The Answer Key

We are often charged with leftover emotions from past transgressions. When a new issue arises, those old feelings of the past insert themselves into the present. This can lead to an ugly game of tit-for-tat. The question then becomes, how do you move on when you have been betrayed or hurt by someone you care about? Forgiveness is the simple answer, but how do we do that? Forgiveness is a choice. It can not be made without making the decision to forgive and taking the steps to get you there. The first step is to start with yourself. Acknowledge the role you play in your situation. It is much easier to point out the defects, poor choices, and bad behavior of someone else, but it is more helpful to accept what you have done, and what you will do differently to avoid the same situation later. In examining your own defects, choices, and behavior you may find compassion for your loved one. Even if you do not, you will have a better understanding of yourself and the role you p...

Yet another friend is headed for divorce court. It makes me wonder, how they determined when it was over? What or who pushes the big red button for the last time? Is there a certain number of infractions, the severity of one, does the issue seem too big to fix, or are there just too many issues altogether? At what point do you decide to cut your loses and walk away? I can not understand how the same two people who loved each other so much that they were secure enough in their relationship to go before their family, friends, and whatever God they serve to declare their love and commitment to each other forever, could also one day, just decide to walk away. To find oneself at the polar opposite end of your feelings towards the same person you once planned to spend the rest of your life with is unfathomable to me. I thought the idea behind marriage was acknowledging that what you have received and are also willing to give and share with a...

It's election season! Soon there will be television ads, debates, and (especially because the state I live in is a newly deemed swing state) visits from politicians with all the works: eating our food, attending our townhalls, and posing for pictures while shaking hands and kissing babies. I love politics just as much as the next person. A discussion over laws, policies, pundants, and surrogates brings me great joy. Unfortunately, that joy is quickly turned to irritation every election year. Social media sites are flooded with ignorant, political filth and fallacies. The beauty of social media during election year is that it allows us to open up our own political debates and discussions with our friends and family near and far. I have participated in many discussions and was able to teach and learn from them. Most of them were pleasant if not enlightening, but we must be careful not to use these outlets to spread falsehoods and misinform our peers. I would love for th...

At some point in your life, you may face problems that seem larger than life itself. We can all relate to being stuck in a rut: an unrewarding job, an unforgiving figure, or an unfulfilling relationship. It can make you feel as if life has handed you a really bad hand, and having no immediate fix is exhausting and extremely overwhelming. While it may be easier to simply succumb to the pressure of your problem, it is better to take a step back and get some perspective. Every problem has one common thread -they have a purpose. It is up to you to determine what that purpose is, and how to handle it, but you can only tackle a problem once you have dissected it. Get to the root of the problem and focus on the solution instead of the problem itself. Avoid the mistake of giving power to your problems and letting them take over your life. Sure, you must address them, but make sure when you do, you are addressing them in regards to their solution. Merely dwelling on their existe...

While somewhat reluctant, (solely based on my typical taste in genre being non-romance and anti-fad reading) I decided to give the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy a try. 50 Shades of Grey depicts a fantastically, sloppy, unconventional relationship, an intense power struggle between the couple, and their incredibly jaw-dropping, passionately, intoxicating chemistry. The source of their fears, fights, and drama is completely unimaginable and equally overwhelming for both parties. The baggage of the past is constantly present and terribly heavy, but their extraordinary physical connection provides a welcomed distraction that often unleashes steamy, blush-worthy performances throughout. There is very little left to the imagination as the author gives a vividly explicit description of their sexual exploits. (I have no idea how they're going to make the movie.) At the heart of this tale, both characters are struggling to determi...

The best relationships are formed from a truly pure and unexpected place- no premeditation. What begins as an innocent friendship can suddenly become the love you've been waiting for. A stranger on the street can become the love you never saw coming. A blind date can turn into the love of your life. Love can develop and make its way into our lives when we least expect it, and be a beautiful thing destined for longevity. Many relationships do not have longevitity because of the initial intent behind its establishment. Many people suffer from an alarming biological clock, pressure from family members, a self-imposed schedule, or simple loneliness. These obstacles can lead to poor relationship decisions. The girl that "gets around" can change, the guy that smokes more pot than Bevis and Butthead can quit, and that on-again off-again relationship can really work out if you just give it one more try. These relationships are forced and destined for disaster. The f...

Let's be honest, a lot of people want to lose weight but the next statement goes something like: I'm so busy, work is too hectic right now, my kids are my life, etc. = I don't have time. Know this, there will always be things you could or need to do instead of losing weight, but you have to become as big a priority to you as everything and everyone else is in your life. At least, that's what I told myself. I found myself at the end of the day wondering if I'd done anything for me besides shower, and more often than not, the answer was no. I decided to change that. I had to choose to lose. Every day was going to have something to do with my commitment to shedding the pounds. The first thing I had to do was get an exercise routine. Everybody knows, if you don't move you can't lose. Having an exercise routine is so important, but this can be hard especially if you have children, a hectic work schedule, volunteer or have any other commitments. Make a routine...

All of our experiences are meant to serve a positive purpose in our lives. Yes, the good, bad, and the ugly of life has meaning and brings the gift of a positive lesson in tow. They are all meant to teach us something about ourselves, our relationships, or circumstance. It is our job to figure out what that lesson is. While the moment may be a negative one, you must always seek out the lesson it was meant to teach you, find the positive impact it will have on your life, and what your trial or disappointment is revealing to you about yourself. Disappointments are just minor set-backs. Do not give them more credit than they deserve and certainly do not let them deter you from what you want to do or where you want to be. Avoid giving your minor set-backs too much clout. The less power they have- the better. Self pity is not a good look on anybody. We gain nothing by wallowing in our disappointments. Nothing stands in our way more than our own fears. We truly can be our own wors...

The Answer Key: Let's Talk About Sex

Sex for most is meant to be the active expression of love or at least an intense like. For some it is the recognition and thus conquering of a mutual attraction, and for others it is merely a means to blow off some steam. Like it or not, sex plays a major role in any relationship. Sometimes it literally is the defining factor. Friendships are definitely reevaluated when friends turn into lovers. Previously established relationships make a bump up or take a wrong turn and are often end abruptly when sex is introduced, lacking, being withheld, or being done with someone other than your partner. Both or all (I'm not judging) parties involved need to know exactly what sex stands for in the relationship and hold up their end of the bargain. Openly discuss, define, and agree on the purpose sex will serve. Defining the purpose can be a little tricky depending on the circumstances. If you are casually sexing, that's ok as long as everyone agrees to keep...

The Answer Key: Starve Your Stress

From time to time a well-known irritant will come knocking at your door- stress. It can literally ruin a great day, end a fabulous moment, and turn your smile upside down. Stress can have physical effects too, such as headaches, rapid heart rate, and profuse sweating. Unfortunately, we can let stress run ramped and literally lose sleep because of it. If we could prevent stressful situations from ever happening, I am sure most of us would pay top dollar for that cure, but while stress still rears its ugly head in our lives, the best thing we can do is recognize what causes it, and find the best way to resolving it as quickly as possible. Some familiar causes usually come from situations and circumstances beyond our control.  Stress can be brought on by ourselves through a lack of preparation, for example, but other times stress is our reaction to the actions of someone else. How other people act is is totally beyond our control, but we can control how we r...

The Answer Key: Staying in Pursuit of Your Passion

Many of us may never truly live up to our potential because of fear and insecurity. The uncertainty of the future is almost always a culprit, but at the end of the day, you passion, your drive, your ambition will bring to you all of your dreams. While it may take time and experiences, some of which may be failures, you will find find your truest desire, your passion buried underneath. Don't be afraid of it. Welcome the clarity into your life, and chase your dream. This takes me back to a few years ago. My husband and I were newlyweds and expecting our first baby. I was up late one night and got sucked into a real estate infomercial. I actually learned a little bit, but more than anything, I found myself a little discouraged. How could we ever afford to buy a house? We both have student loans, no capital, no savings and a baby on the way. It was an distant goal at the time. Without dwelling on too many of the details, despite the doubt and fear (some of which was not even our...

The Answer Key: Choose You

Every event, circumstance, and trial comes with one thing, a choice. You always have a choice. How you choose to respond, react, or let them impact your life is entirely up to you. We all have had our share of heartaches, disappointments, and pain brought on us by ourselves or others, but what will you do with that? How will you make that experience make you better? The choice is always yours. At the end of the day, only you can make a positive out of a negative. Make the choices that benefits you the most. Take heed to whatever your situation is meant to teach you, make a choice that uplifts you, and do better when you are ever faced with the same adversity. Sometimes things happen to us because we have not made the choice to make the best choice for us individually in that situation. Your actions and reactions are always up to you. You can not control every situation, but you certainly can control how you react to it. At one time, a time I am not proud of, I unknowingly allowed o...

The Answer Key: Hate On, Hater...

Once upon a time I actually would entertain the nonsense that haters spewed about me. Unfortunately, I've even deemed it necessary to defend myself against it. I suppose, sometimes it may have hurt my feelings a  or angered me, but as I have gotten older, and maybe as I have taken more than one opportunity to show and prove my haters wrong, I have embraced the ideal that I am who I subscribe to and not what anyone else labels me. Nobody knows me better than myself, so if I am honest with myself, acknowledging and accepting all that I am including my flaws and room for improvement, there is very little room left for anyone's opinion to really matter.  When people think that making the most of their time is used by trash-talking someone, you better believe that person is so sad, so disappointed, so burdened by the lack luster in their own life and the grand-slam of their own trials, flaws, and failures that at the end of their day, you are all they have, and that is a sha...

Have you ever had a sense that someone was not as happy for you as they seemed? While they were clearly making an effort to put on a happy face, you could tell that their words were disingenuous and more in the name of political correctness than true happiness. Certainly they did not hope for your misfortune, but their joy is faker than a 2 dollar diamond. Try as they may, you can feel the difference. Why is it so difficult for some to share in another's joy? Sometimes people can become disconnected from another's joy because of their own aspiration. Their desires, goals, or lack there of, can cloud their appreciation for the blessings in someone elses life. Avoid this pitfall at all costs. Life is a journey, not a race. It does not matter how quickly you have, achieve, or succeed, but only that you do so in your own time. Forcing yourself to live by someone else's scale may bring you what you want, but it's longevity will be limited. Having an appreciation for the ble...

The Answer Key: Pack Lite for Your Next Chapter