The Answer Key

Love requires a certain amount of vulnerability that does not necessarily come naturally to everybody, but when it does, love can bubble to the surface and reveal a delicate soul full of unconscious openness- so open that its ability to regulate itself is still a young muscle. That said, if you can love like that you also have to be conscious of that muscle's unfortunate exposure and weakness. Understand that there are people that look for your kind and prey on you. All of your talents and beams of awesomeness overflow abundantly and because you are extremely generous with your gifts you must also be very careful. While it is a wonderful thought that no one would dare see your greatness for what it is and take advantage, over indulge, abuse, or empty your supply- you are mistaken. Some people will be intoxicated by your great expression of love and want so much of it that there is little left for yourself. Remember to leave room for you too. For you to really love like you want to,...

If you want an incredible response to anything you have to do something incredible to deserve it. Beyond blind faith that is the rule of all success, life, and love. For instance, if you give your relationship a lack-luster effort you can not expect your relationship to be an incredible experience. To find that path you must begin by being the kind of partner you want to have. Show the amount of love, compassion, trust, commitment, support, and understanding that you want to receive. Be compassionate, be forgiving, and even on the roughest, toughest day go to bed and wake hopeful and enthusiastically willing to try to make a better tomorrow. Remember that your relationship is an investment of all things precious and priceless to you: time, love, energy, and trust. It is also a gamble, a risk, a roll of the dice every time with no chance of a refund so choose your investments wisely, give them all of the attention you can muster up, make them a priority daily, and pray for a positive re...

The key to any strong relationship is the ability to experience and then cultivate trust, growth, perseverance, and healing by way of love. The method by which you are meant to grow from those experiences is through the existence of all of your relationships particularly the relationship you have with your partner. While all of your relationships have the potential to lift you to a greater understanding of yourself and bring the relationship itself to a greater, higher place, the relationship with your partner is where you will do the most work on yourself and the relationship as a whole. Understand that you and your partner are strong as individuals, but know you can trust and rely on each other when needed. The goal is to become stronger as a unit and you will; if you are committed to each other, you can make it through anything together. Know that. As part of a unit that may be new, fragile, or damaged, as long as everyone is committed you have already made your first step into grea...

What if everyone decided to work toward being more appreciative of the things and people we have in our lives? What would happen to the relationship that was broken if both parties forced themselves to recall the ways their partner has been a blessing to their life? What if you took a moment to recollect on the many kind words, gifts just because, and thoughtful acts your partner has done for you? Get reacquainted with the part of you that was overflowing with waves of appreciation in the beginning.  In no way could having more gratitude, being more aware of its necessity in the moment, and expressing it by word or action could have a negative affect on any outcome. If anything it would enhance, uplift, and intensify your personal joy and experience with each other. Having more gratitude and making the conscious decision to be more aware and sensitive to what is deserving of it can only improve your relationship. The more grateful you are for even the smallest blessings, the greate...

Some would say that the key to a healthy, happy, successful relationship is love, but love comes with a mousy twin. It is not nearly as loud and in your face, but just as important as love none the less. Her name is compassion. Compassion is what is missing when most relationships fail. Simply put, the failure comes from an inability to respect, appreciate, or acknowledge the complexity of your partner's experience. Compassion will allow you to express empathy. It helps you really see from your partner's perspective without judgement. Compassion elevates the passion in your love and raises your gratitude for loving and being loved in return. It is most unfortunate that we as a species are desensitized over time. Our appreciation, adoration, and admiration for what is "ours" declines. The things we once held so dear to us lose their sparkle and shine, and they become dull and tarnished in our eyes. Our job as our partner's partner is to make the conscious effort to...

If you are single and getting yourself together, congratulations on learning how to be comfortable with being by yourself. Some people become relationship hoppers. They can barely make it through two months of facing themselves in the mirror and once they are dating, watch out! Before you know it, they will be moving in or at least fantasizing about it. I am so glad you realized that there is nothing wrong with embracing your hiatus and focusing on yourself, healing the wounds whatshis/hername may have left, and just being content with being with you. Kudos! You are already ten steps ahead of your competition. For the rest of you, you may be simply single or already single and looking; whenever the latter is the case, take applications and lots of them. Keep an open-mind while dating.While you may not think someone is "the one" at first glance, you never know. Dating an unlikely candidate could surprise you. To be perfectly honest, every date may not be marriage materia...

Many of us have taken part in the blame game before. It was his or her fault. Their offenses were far greater than our own. We tried to fix it, but they gave up on us. Hopefully, once we climb down off that huge stack of s---self-pity, we get to the root of what really happened there. When you understand what causes a break up there is no "one" to blame. There are simply issues that went unresolved. Understanding what ends a relationship and the part you play in that ending is crucial. It could be anything lacking: intimacy, trust, communication, the list could go on for days, but understanding where your former relationship stands on its demise is vital to the longevity of your next one. You have to be careful not to bring any poor habits into your new relationship that could hurt its chances. Unfortunately, some form of baggage is inevitable, but it can be used to your advantage. We need it as a friendly reminder of what not to do the next time, what we definitely would d...

The best relationships are formed from a truly pure and unexpected place- no premeditation. What begins as an innocent friendship can suddenly become the love you've been waiting for. A stranger on the street can become the love you never saw coming. A blind date can turn into the love of your life. Love can develop and make its way into our lives when we least expect it, and be a beautiful thing destined for longevity. Many relationships do not have longevitity because of the initial intent behind its establishment. Many people suffer from an alarming biological clock, pressure from family members, a self-imposed schedule, or simple loneliness. These obstacles can lead to poor relationship decisions. The girl that "gets around" can change, the guy that smokes more pot than Bevis and Butthead can quit, and that on-again off-again relationship can really work out if you just give it one more try. These relationships are forced and destined for disaster. The f...

Sex for most is meant to be the active expression of love or at least an intense like. For some it is the recognition and thus conquering of a mutual attraction, and for others it is merely a means to blow off some steam. Like it or not, sex plays a major role in any relationship. Sometimes it literally is the defining factor. Friendships are definitely reevaluated when friends turn into lovers. Previously established relationships make a bump up or take a wrong turn and are often end abruptly when sex is introduced, lacking, being withheld, or being done with someone other than your partner. Both or all (I'm not judging) parties involved need to know exactly what sex stands for in the relationship and hold up their end of the bargain. Openly discuss, define, and agree on the purpose sex will serve. Defining the purpose can be a little tricky depending on the circumstances. If you are casually sexing, that's ok as long as everyone agrees to keep...

We have been taught that men are the heads of our households, but that's not entirely true. While the man is and should be the head, the woman is the brain behind the operation. We are planners, organizers, and prioritizers by nature. Men are providers, workers, and fixers by their nature. How silly is it of you to expect him to plan out your relationship year by year when he doesn't plan his day until he's in it? Ask any man you know what he's wearing tomorrow. I guarantee you most don't have a clue. The ones that do either have a certain outfit for each day of the week (don't think we haven't noticed), or a really good reason behind it- A. they wear a uniform every day or B. they have their own man they're trying to get organized as we speak. Let's be honest, as soon as you enter into a relationship the plans get set in motion. Whether your partner realizes it or not, most of you are already planning when you'll move in together, setting the ...

Some ladies feel like men need to approach them and there are no if ands or buts about it, and frankly; I am one of those women. Now, while that practice may seem ridiculous to some, there is a method to the madness. Poaching was and has always been a marvelous technique to help weed out the riff-raff. This is my #1 standard by far- I don't approach. That standard's also accompanied by several boundaries: you can not touch me, grind up on me, or come within a half an arm's length of me without my permission. Your standards and boundaries are going to bring you joy and save you from a lot of unnecessary drama and heartache so please set them now without any further delay. My #1 standard has proven itself to hold true as does the theory behind it: men know a woman is not going to entertain him without there being some sort of mutual attraction. They, on the other hand, will entertain almost any woman expressing the desire to be in their company. With that sai...

Men and women alike want and need 3 things in their relationship: validation, reciprocation, and appreciation. Validation is so important because it lets your partner know that you not only hear but you understand their point of view. That does not mean you have to agree with it, but it lets them know you respect and acknowledge how they feel. In my opinion, this is the hardest part of being in a relationship and even harder when you're in a disagreement. You actually have to set aside your own feelings and perspective on the matter despite how passionately you feel and disagree. Often times we disagree with someone and spend most of the discussion trying to convince them instead of listening and validating their right to feel the way they feel. Validation takes practice, but its definitely a relationship necessity. Reciprocation is really self-explanatory. Relationships are truly defined in give and take, being equally yoked, ying and yang- you get the p...

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Yay. -___- Personally, I'm not a girl that typically goes nuts over Valentine's Day anyway, but I did think it was worth talking about. How many people you know start a VDay countdown when they're in a relationship and then literally fall off the face of the earth and completely skip the day on the calendar when they're not? Singles, VDay is not to be feared or avoided. It's a day about love so love yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, a day at the spa, or some new lingerie (just in case), or finally let that guy that frequently offers to take you out to do just that and make his day. At the very least, pick up your favorite bottle of wine, a good book, and top it off with a warm bath. This does not have to be a day of mourning. You can not let your lack of a boo turn you into a Bitter-Betty. Buck up and practice making your own day. Put a smile on your own face, and do something for you. Love the one you're with, and if...

If you are looking for a real relationship, one that will stand the test of time, one that may bring you the love of your life, there are a few things you need to know. When in search of 'the one' the first thing you have to do is stop searching. That's right. Looking for love is almost a guaranteed step into the wrong relationship or a leap into another year of reservations for a party of 1. Sometimes, during the course of searching for love we can find ourselves forcing a relationship to work that just was not meant to be. Yes, I know all about the fear of spending the majority of your life alone, the ever piercing biological clock for women and the 'all my friends are doing it' rhetoric for men, but the reality is, love is not something that comes with a time table. While we can plan our lives year by year, month by month, and week to week there is no definite plan to secure love. Let love find you, and do the best you can to be ready for that special person to...

Usually I post about things that cater to no particular gender, however, this one right here is for the ladies. Fellas, I have not forgotten about you, and will definitely have little something for you at a later date. ;) Now, let's get down to business. First things first, you need to understand the most typical reasons why men usually will not commit in the first place. These reasons have nothing to do with you. These are issues that would be there no matter who he was dating. Simply put, most of them are waiting on the 'bigger, better, deal'- a fatter booty, a cuter face, slimmer waist, good hair, etc. What they don't realize is that waiting on the next best thing turns into anything with a pulse really fast. It will seem as if it happened overnight and then all of a sudden they became 'that dude'. We've all seen him- either at the club or in the grocery store, you can spot 'that dude' from a mile away- middle-aged, probably balding or practical...

Want to jump-start your search for Mr. /Mrs. Right this year? Here are a few simple rules that will help you get a renewed lease on dating and love in 2012. Life is too short for 10 rules so here's 5. Good Luck, and Happy Dating! 1. Know what you want, and mean it. When you don’t know what you want, you just might begin trying any and every option that comes your way. That is a waste of time and a road map to Dramatown, Crazytown, or Beatdown-town. You get the picture. Choose wisely. There's nothing wrong with being selective as long as you remain realistic. 2. Have a conversation. No texting or emailing, but a real verbal interaction. You can tell a lot about a person’s personality and your compatibility just in their tone, their laughter, attentiveness, and the flow. After two conversations you should definitely know if you want to see this person or not. 3. If you list them, they will come… seriously, the list is critical. It forces you to really determine what you ar...